When people are stuck and frustrated sometimes they want to, “Send a message.”
They believe that this, “message” will demonstrate their strength. And that the other party will be so impressed with this strength that they’ll immediately come to terms.
Except, it rarely works like that.
These messages usually break the flow or the context of the mediation up to that point. This “message” is then seen as chaotic or poorly reasoned.
And how do most people respond to a chaotic and unreasonable person?
Well, it depends.
Maybe the recipient will pause negotiations to look for a better deal.
Or
They’ll believe that they’ve been given permission to treat the message sender poorly. This is especially a problem when a continued relationship is necessary for the agreement to work.
Therefore, the task of the mediator is not to dutifully deliver the “message,” nor is it to argue regarding its reasonableness but rather the task is to discover the why.
Are there unstated goals and assumptions that aren’t being addressed?
Or
Has the message sender has exited their zone of comfort and now needs to scuttle the negotiations?
And there can be several reasons operating simultaneously.
Skillful questions will uncover them and this will lead to better resolutions and to agreements that might have been missed.
Ted Andrews is a mediator living in Southern California. He practices throughout California.
Disclaimer - The information provided in this post is for general information purposes only and should not be construed as legal advice. You should not act or rely upon this information without seeking formal professional counsel. The information provided in this post is not intended to create an attorney-client relationship.