How do you navigate Thanksgiving invitations when there is such a varied outlook on masks, vaccinations? In light of the fact that these are extremely unusual times and everyone is under a tremendous amount of stress.

Here are some ideas.

Three thoughts Before the Conversation.

The key to a successful conversation is our frame of mind prior to the conversation. Here are three points to help with that.

Be curious and seek to understand their perspective. Resist the impulse to be persuasive, we rarely are.
Know that this conversation isn’t a verdict on you or your relationship.
We are deeply polarized. And even though this conversation will be between two people our minds are so packed with Tweets and Posts that anything said will bounce off this clutter and take us somewhere unintended. Be patient it is not about you.
Keep the future in mind. Should a negative impact of this conversation outlast COVID? I hope not. Family and friends can outlast politics and pandemics.

Three Thoughts During the conversation

Thank them for the invitation and tell them why you are happy to receive it, “Hey it would be great to see everyone,” “I really love the way you guys do Thanksgiving,” “Remember when ….”
Tell them you respect their point of view and hope that they can respect yours. Explain your concerns and why you feel the way that you do.
Listen to their perspective. You don’t have to agree but don’t try to convince them that they’re wrong.
Rather …
Be their partner and not their adversary.
Ask if they if they are other guests who feel the way that you do. Is there a way that we could include everyone? After all, they’ve probably already had this conversation several times and are now searching for a way to save Thanksgiving.

How many ways can you have Thanksgiving together while separated? And if this year doesn’t work it would be great to be included next year.

After the Conversation

It is surprising what people remember after a conflict. A little word can have a big impact. Also it is good to put something positive in your mind about this person.

Therefore, send a Thank-you email or text.

Remind them why you appreciated the invitation, that they are important to you and that you look forward to seeing them in the future.

Whatever your point of view remember that it is possible to be factually wrong and emotionally right at the same time. Most of us are, most of the time.